my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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