I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
