I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
