Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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