i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
