you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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