Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
