He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
