Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
