Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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