Already got asked if we're dating
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
