I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
