ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
