these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
