im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you will always have a special place in my vag
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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