im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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