So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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