i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
