Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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