last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
