my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
