Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
