I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize