So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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