I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
