bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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