I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
