What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
