I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
