Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
