After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
