i don't plan on having that self control this summer
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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