she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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