once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
