hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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