I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
