So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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