Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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