before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
