I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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