Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
