I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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