I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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