I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
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