Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
