I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
