Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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