oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
