I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
