I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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