It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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