I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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