last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
