Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
