Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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