kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You made out with two different species that night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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