Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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