My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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