she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
