i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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