I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
