he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
