If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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