Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
