Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
