Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
